As we approach Transgender Day of Remembrance, many of us do so with heavy hearts in light of our current global climate. Trans and gender expansive (TGX) people continue to be misunderstood, our safety is put at risk, our very existence is debated, and our well-being is jeopardized by political agendas as evidence by the at least twenty-nine TGX people whose lives have been tragically and inhumanely taken from us this year through violent means, including gun and intimate partner violence. Of these victims, 76% were people of color, 52% were Black transgender women, 59% were killed with a gun, 35% with a known assailant were killed by a romantic/sexual partner, friend or family member and 41% were misgendered or wrongfully named by authorities or the press. The weight of this escalating reality is something we carry and navigate every day. Yet, despite attempts to erase us, we find a way to not only survive, but thrive. We are resilient, we are competent, we persevere with determination and resolve by sharing our stories of how living authentically has allowed us to experience unprecedented freedom from the chains of cultural domestication that had kept us paralyzed in the shadows of our truth. We know that we have no other option than to be visible as our authentic selves, because at the end of the day, our visibility is our viability.
But with visibility, there often comes a season of reckoning, especially when that visibility challenges people to go beyond their own personal lived experiences and reconcile a basic facet of humanity as foundational as gender. This is evident in a 2023 New York Times article that reported, that after Same-sex marriage became a constitutional right in 2015, conservatives had to find a new issue to galvanize the rank-and-file of their supporters AND their donors. So, they went in search of something that would be as motivating to their constituents as gay marriage had been. In fact, the leader of one of these conservative groups is quoted as saying, “We threw everything at the wall.” And what stuck, somewhat unexpectedly, was the issue of transgender identity, particularly among young people. This article goes on to say,
“Today, the effort to restrict transgender rights has supplanted same-sex marriage as an animating issue for social conservatives at a pace that has stunned political leaders across the spectrum. It has reinvigorated a network of conservative groups, increased fund-raising, and set the agenda in school boards and state legislatures.” This strategy of using trans rights as a wedge issue has continued to be used by the Right, a phenomena that has led to a proliferation of anti-trans legislation sweeping the US. During the three short years from 2021-2024, twenty-three states have passed laws banning sports participation, eliminating equitable restroom use, restricting access to puberty blockers, hormone therapy and surgeries for gender diverse minors.
But these attacks will not stop with TGX youth. Just last year, Michael Knowles, a Daily Wire commentator, told a CPAC audience that there “can be no middle way in dealing with transgenderism”…and we know that’s not even a word…”It is all or nothing.” He went on to say that for “the good of society, and especially for the good of the poor people who have fallen prey to this confusion, transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely — the whole preposterous ideology.” And during this last Presidential election cycle, we witnessed how one political party strategically invested in a 215 million dollar smear add campaign (that equates to roughly $134 per trans person) to smear the transgender and gender expansive community in an effort to sway voters.
If this isn’t a call to action for ALL of us, I don’t know what is. While Transgender Day of Remembrance is an opportunity for us to pay homage to those TGX folks who have lost their lives, it's also a call for accountability for our allies to see themselves as a part of the solution and empower us to thrive and flourish while we're still here. This fight cannot be won without you. Your advocacy is no longer an option…it is NOW a responsibility. As is the case for TGX people, you no longer have the luxury of blending in and staying silent. This is a day for ALL of us to say, “We are not going anywhere. If you come after one of us, you come after all of us.”
So, what can allies do to celebrate, elevate and support their trans and gender expansive colleagues, clients, family members and friends on this Transgender Day of Remembrance?
Educate yourselves. Do your own work to learn how to interact respectfully with AND advocate for TGX people. It is not your TGX colleagues’ responsibility to educate you on how they are to be equitably treated and supported. Carrying this weight and responsibility can be exhausting and received as a microaggression. Click here for a resource.
Take the pronoun pledge. “I commit to always introduce myself with my pronouns.” To learn how impactful this can be for your TGX colleagues AND you, click here.
Don’t leave out the “T” in LGBT. Avoid referencing ONLY sexual orientation and include gender identity, as well. For example, a lot of times people say, “Well, it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, black, brown or white,” but saying this leaves out the experiences of TGX folks. So instead, say, “It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, trans or cis, black, brown or white.”
If you’re talking about various phobias and isms and you reference homophobia, also include transphobia.
And many people, if they just see or hear the word “gender,” think only about cisgender men and women. So, always use “gender identity or expression” when referencing gender.
Use gender-neutral language. Binary language, “ladies & gentlemen; men and women; ma’am and sir”, are phrases that perpetuate the outdated notion that there are only 2 genders. Gender-Neutral language are words and phrases that express an awareness of the expansiveness of gender. To learn more, click here.
Elevate our voices. Speak “up for” but not “over” us. Be intentional in providing spaces for our stories to be heard as an act of normalizing our lived experiences.
Check in with us. When the headlines contain devastating news, a timely word, reassuring us that you have our backs goes a long way in affirming us that we’re not alone.
Remove barriers to our financial well-being. Work to understand the challenges that TGX people face regarding equitable employment and commit to be a part of the solution, i.e. assist in reconciling/establishing credit history, navigating misaligned legal documents, creating equitable application process, enhancing financial literacy, etc.
Advocate politically. Equality Federation is the parent organization for all the state advocacy groups. This link will take you to an alphabetical list of all the states, so you can get on the mailing list for your state. These organizations send you email alerts that make it very easy for you to contact your representatives and let them know how you’d like them to vote on various bills.
These acts of elevating and supporting is what we refer to as “heart allyship”…that is…understanding an person's lived experience at a personal level...through that person's lens...even though it may be different from your own. It's not just the benefit of having head knowledge that makes someone a good ally, but rather, someone who is willing to develop an empathetic, heart knowledge of what a person experiences by centering themselves in the situation as the one who is being transgressed. As has been said, “Unless we’re getting hit by the stones that are being thrown at the people we’re trying to advocate for, we’re not standing close enough to them.”
In closing, I invite our allies to make a commitment to embody and live out that quote from Dr. Martin King, “none of us are free, until all of us are free.” It's one thing NOT to do better when you DON'T know better. It's completely different NOT to do better when you KNOW better.
CONTACT US to discuss how we can support you and your colleagues in being even stronger allies and advocates.