"When you face a situation where your very existence is being challenged with judgement, ridicule, or even verbal attack, how do you handle this? What do you do? What do you say?”
I was recently asked this during a Q&A session after delivering a keynote on Authenticity, Allyship and the Power of Community at Ulta Beauty.
Here are my reflections on this thoughtful and important question.
I begin by recognizing that how I respond to someone in these situations determines both the outcome for me, and this person's perception and possibly subsequent experiences with anyone like me.
In other words, I realize that this situation is much bigger than just this one exchange. How I respond either advances my success and that of my community, or it becomes a detriment to my and our well-being. My response can impact the very things we all are fighting and longing for...to be safe and to feel like we belong.Next, I try to recognize that comments or actions against me are a reflection of that person's own growing edges, unaddressed fears, or lack of experiential understanding.
The situation may create an opportunity for me to be a teacher, to help that person develop their knowledge and understanding around a reality that is not their personal experience. But I also acknowledge that not everyone is ready to be a student, although I believe everyone has the capacity to learn. For those who are not ready, I don't engage. I don't lash out. I simply disengage as graciously as possible and bless them on their way in hopes that down the road, they will be willing to lean in and learn.And for those who ready to learn, I invite them to come close and listen with ears to hear, eyes to see, hearts to understand, and hopefully feet to respond. As Brené Brown tells us in her brilliant book, Braving the Wilderness,
People are hard to hate close up.
Move in. Speak truth to bullshit.
Be civil. Hold hands. With strangers.
Strong back. Soft front. Wild heart.
If you, as an ally, have a colleague, friend, or family member who is grappling with the validity and existence of gender diverse people, encourage them to consider this question, "What is it about this aspect of diversity that is bringing up this response in you?" Only when we're willing to courageously and vulnerably approach differences from this perspective and move in close with our neighbor, will we have a chance to meet each other where we are, not as a threat, but as just another beautiful facet of humanity.
Click HERE to learn more about Gabrielle's keynotes.